Marriage counseling company Presia found that 70% of married Japanese women regret marrying their husbands, according to results in a survey report announced on January 7.
And the reason they regret their marriages? It’s not what you might immediately think: appearance and fashion actually came in as the top results when polled on things they were willing to compromise on when selecting their partner. So if they didn’t really mind too much what hubby looks like, why do they now regret marrying him?
Low income. This ranked by far the highest among the results when women were asked what they wished they hadn’t compromised on (though it is also something hard to predict, since income levels change over time). Income is followed by attitudes toward money, an ability and willingness to do housework, and core values.
Appearance ranks very low, a little above domestic violence and harassment. One interpretation of that is that the women all married guys they found/find hot, but who do not earn much money.
Now, a few caveats.
Presia is in the business of helping people find the “right” spouse, so it is in their interest to present many marriages as unhappy and unsatisfactory for women, with the implication being not that they shouldn’t get married, but that they should use Presia’s services to find a better match.
Next, the survey sample is far from large. Presia surveyed just 287 married women aged between 20 and 59.
The survey is, in the lingo of the day, very heteronormative. It is premised on partnerships that almost certainly include things like home and car ownership, careers, and children, and does not seem to take into account sexual compatibility or — dare we say it — romance. Call us naive, but you might think that someone who regrets marrying their husband’s first response when asked the reason would be: “I don’t love him anymore.” Perhaps the assumption is that all marriages will become sexless and loveless after the men have fulfilled their “duty” and provided a stable home and impregnated their wives a suitable number of times.
The survey results include a slightly cringey list of “moments” when the women felt glad they married their husbands. The top result is a vague “can be yourself when together,” followed by “lets me do my own thing” and “likes kids.” Not exactly the stuff romance books are made of it, is it?
